When I Became a Mom

Nine years ago this was me:

 

And this was me with my husband:

 

 

These pictures were taken a few days before the arrival of our twins. I look back at these now and a few thoughts run through my mind. First, we both look way younger than we do now...is it kids or time that aged us? Second, I can't even stand up normally - if you notice I have a good balancing stance going on in both pictures. Third, my belly was HUGE! Now I laugh looking at my husband standing behind me and not being able to get his arms around me. That's some funny stuff.

By most people's standards we weren't considered officially 'Mom and Dad' when these moments were captured. I hear a lot of people refer to the day that their child was born (or in our case, children) as the day they became a parent. This has always bothered me. You see, I started being a mom and caring for those two babies long before they came out into the world.

Like most pregnant women in my circles of influence, I started preparing for these two before I even got pregnant. I weaned myself off of caffeine, didn't drink any alcohol (not that I drank a lot before), and started taking care of my body to prepare for pregnancy. After I found out I was pregnant I continued to watch my diet, went to pre-natal appointments, took some NASTY pre-natal vitamins that made me sick every time, and started to mentally prepare for having babies.

Back then I was working full-time as a nurse. I worked four 10-hour shifts a week. I pushed carts and beds through hospital hallways, was on my feet, and barely took any breaks. As my babies and belly grew exponentially, I realized that I couldn't keep up the pace. It wasn't because I couldn't physically handle it, but it was because my body couldn't sustain the babies in a healthy way. As my mom told me, nobody else was looking out for those babies. I ended up quitting work somewhere around my 6th month of pregnancy. I was already Mom, taking care of my babies and doing everything I could to help them grow.

I've heard it said that God sent Jesus to die for me before I was born, paid for my sins before I committed them. This always seemed like a little bit of a strange thing to take in. Of course He did, because I wasn't born yet and in the scheme of time that's just when it happened. As I was thinking of when it was that I 'became' a parent, I realized that those two things were so similar. I didn't know my kids when I was preparing to be a mom, but I did everything I could to help them come out 'right'. I loved them before they were born, I loved the idea of them before they were conceived. When God planned to save me from my sins, I wasn't born, but He knew me. He knew that I was going to exist, He loved me already, and He wanted the best for me. He did everything He could to ensure that I had a future with Him.

My sacrifices as a parent are nowhere close to what He sacrificed for me, and my love for my kids is nowhere near His love for us. However, I am in awe that the Creator of the Universe loves me like that, and gives me little ways to understand Him better.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 (NASB)